20 weeks today. Half way there! I can hardly believe it. We have come such a long way. I need to pinch myself! I have been a little more relaxed since my last "episode" which resulted in a 8:00 am call to my doctor and an appt with her an hour later. Everything was perfectly fine. Baby was still growing perfectly, my uterus was measuring perfectly, I am just a little crazy is all. I saw a perinatologist today. While I was there I met with a genetic counselor who went over mine and Jason's family background. Because my sister was born with a whole in her heart and a condition called cardiomyopathy runs in my family she said we have a greater risk than normal of having a baby with a heart defect. So during my ultra sound with the perinatologist we took a good look at baby girl's heart. It looked great, no defects seen, at least nothing that can be detected by ultra sound. All baby's organs and anatomy looked good. Fluid was good, umbilical cord and placenta looked good. We looked over this pregnancy with a fine tooth comb today and I got an A+ and was sent on my way. Perinatologist said she does not need to see me back unless something else comes up that my OB thinks I need to be seen for. So to celebrate, my mom and I went shopping for the baby and looked at paint samples for the nursery. Ouch, I just had to pinch myself again.
I never gave up hope that I would have another baby one day. It was that hope that drove me to keep trying, keep searching for answers. It was that hope that kept me fighting through the grief, through the litany of painful physical tests, through the stress on my family, I just kept hoping and praying and believing and trying. But even so, there is a part of me that never believed I would be sitting here this pregnant ever again. It is truly a miracle. I feel this little girl kick and wiggle and move every day. I watch as I grow rounder and rounder and I really do have to pinch myself sometimes. How is this possible after so many losses? I don't even know what this is. For me, what I know is this, pregnancy ends in miscarriage, period. Yes, I have Riley who is also a miracle. But I thought I got my miracle and we are each allotted one per life time. I got mine, no more. I don't know how, or I have forgotten how, to be pregnant and actually have a live, healthy baby at the end of it. This is so foreign to me. Wonderful but foreign.
20 more weeks and our little girl will be here. I'm showing, I'm feeling her move, we are starting her nursery. It's really happening and it's not a dream. To the God who hears our prayers and gives us more than we could ask or imagine, thank you.
I love you always and forever and no matter what.
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