28 Weeks. 7 months. Jason and I sit in our kitchen visiting and feeling very happy after a great appointment today. At 28 weeks, my doctor has now ordered weekly non stress tests and biophysical profile tests to monitor our little baby. We had the first one of these today. I was nervous about it. The last and only other time I had one of these tests was when I was 38 weeks pregnant with Riley and she failed it and was induced early. I was scared this baby would fail too and I would have a baby in the NICU by tomorrow. But instead this little one scored a whopping 10 out of 10...perfect! Her heart rate was great, she responded to stimulus (a loud noise right by my tummy) great, she moved around a lot and I have plenty of fluid in her happy little uterine home. And her growth is right on, 2 pounds 8 ounces, falling perfectly in the 50th percentile. Which is good considering I tested positive on my second gestational diabetes test two weeks ago. I now have two weeks of blood sugar monitoring, finger pricks and special diets under my ever expanding belt. It's a big bummer. I was upset about it at first, but with many things, I'm just falling into the routine of it all and just chalking it up to yet another complication I must manage to have a healthy baby. But really, when you have been through all that I have been through you kind of just learn to roll with the punches instead of letting them knock you down. However, I pretty much guarantee you this seals the deal when it comes to my weight gain in this pregnancy...I will go through nine months of pregnancy and not gain a single pound. It's really hard to gain weight when you are following such a strict diet and exercising every day, another thing that worries me and why it is great to see that though my weight won't seem to budge, little girl weighs perfect. She is growing and putting on weight perfectly and seems to be oblivious to it all, exactly how I want it for her.
As Jason and I sit in the kitchen happily chit-chatting away he tells me about a conversation he had with a friend recently. His friend asked when we were due and commented that he knows so many people who are having babies this October and November. Jason's reply was, "Yeah, Ryan, it was a long, cold winter last year." We got a good laugh out of that. And then I thought about how it has been a long, cold winter for so long for us. The biting cold relentlessly at our backs for the past several years. Every time new life started to bloom, the bitterness of winter would come and steal it away before it ever had a chance to grow. So many years of bareness, a life without Spring ever coming back around. This past winter was indeed an especially long and cold one, lasting months longer than normal. It even threatened to take this little baby I carry now...I still remember making our way through the treacherous blizzard trying to find a doctor and pharmacy that was open and who would see me so I could get the prescriptions and medicine I needed to keep my baby alive. It was a literal race against time. Nothing seemed to be in our favor and I was certain I was going to miscarry again. This coming after the long, cold journey of defeat, loss and heart ache. A journey that led me to places I never knew existed..., the loneliness of a room on the maternity ward where I could hear the cries of newly born babies and the sounds of happy families coming to visit while I lay trying to deliver my sleeping baby, the cold, sterile operating room of a hospital where I did eventually deliver that tiny little being, the office of a man at the funeral home where I sat and discussed the cremation of my child with a complete stranger, and onto my knees in desperate pleas to God to save me from this deep and profound hurt in my heart. And then down the road of cancer and the suffering it causes on all who experience it. Just last week we had quite the scare when Jason's dad called us and said, "Come over right away. Mom has taken a turn and the nurses don't think she will survive the night." We dropped everything and rushed over and stood by her side for hours. What we witnessed that night was truly awful. So awful that the tears and stress of it caused me to start contracting, at which point I was promptly sent home for rest. Yes, a long cold winter it has been. But joy comes in the morning. With her fighting spirit and utter determination to see our little miracle baby before she goes, Vickie was better the next day, surprising us all. I am 7 months pregnant with a baby who got a perfect score on her tests today. We spent this evening discussing a very special project that is underway in Vickie's honor. A project that made us all feel good and smile. The warmth is beginning to overtake the cold, the snow is melting, Spring is almost here. The flowers will bloom. New life will grow...a life in the form of a baby girl, a life in the form of a beautiful soul beginning to live the way we were always meant to live, with God in heaven. Vivienne Faith Parker is living proof that winter does not last forever and joy will come. The name Vivienne means "alive or life". We knew it was the perfect name for our little Baby Life. She represents life. Life overcoming death, happiness overshadowing the suffering, Jesus, the One who gives us life, triumphing over the long, cold winter.
I love you always and forever and no matter what.
