Once again I feel the need to apologize for the depressing nature of this blog. I promise to one day fill these pages with happiness and sunshine. I have faith that God will redeem this and I will be able to do just that. For anyone who is resting in a peaceful season of life, I am sure this is so hard to read. But for those of you struggling your way through a dark season of life, perhaps this will resonate with you. And when your reality is that many of your children have died and another family member very close to you is very sick with cancer, your mind just goes to these places, whether even I like it or not.
Death. It has been said that death is a "natural part of life". I disagree. Death is the most unnatural thing there is. Death was never part of the plan. Pain and sickness and disease was never part of the plan. The reason death hurts us humans so deeply is because we were not made to accept death as a natural part of life. We were made to crave life, to cling to it, to fight for it. We were made to despise death just as our God does. We may take comfort in the fact that a person lives to be 100 years old. We say they lived a good, long life and the sting of death isn't quite so painful in those circumstances, but the truth is, whether we die in our mother's womb or as an old person asleep in our bed, it is always too soon. My family has felt the sting of death far too much the past few years and with the threat of another sting on the horizon, I lay awake at night unable to fall asleep as silent tears stream down my cheeks and my heart aches for one I love, one who gave life to the man I love. How can I ever thank her enough for the gift of my husband? For loving him and raising him to be the amazing man that he is. How can I ever accept that she is sick and hurting? How can I ever accept that my children are gone and I will never know them this side of heaven? I can't and I won't. As far as life on this earth goes, we have to accept death but I do not have to accept that it has the final say. As we celebrated Easter this past weekend, I was reminded that Jesus has the final say and He settled that one on the cross when he hung is head and said, "It is finsihed." And it was finished and it still is. Death will never hold power over us who believe again. The lyrics of Matt Maher's "Christ Is Risen" echo in my mind, "Oh death, where is your sting? Oh hell, where is your victory?. Of church, come stand in the light. Our God is not dead. He's alive! He's alive!"
The tomb was empty. Our God lives. My babies live and no matter what happens to my mother in law, she will live. Right now, more than ever, I cling to life. I am holding on to God and His power to sustain life with all that I have. I know death hurts us so badly because it hurts God so badly. It hurts Him so much He gave His only Son to overcome it. We all live with the awareness of our own mortality and I would be lying if I said that thought didn't terrify me. But I live not by what I feel or what I see. I live by faith. So I chose to believe in life, in Jesus, in miracles and redemption. I chose to believe in Life, not death.
I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. - John 11: 25 - 26
I love you always and forever and no matter what.
Matt Maher - Christ Is Risen
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